ryan.david.moon

True story:

Just making sure my RSS feed is working properly. If so you should subscribe to it, because he's dead. I don't know if we can blame those damn dirty apes.

After having a conversation with a very charming individual, I recalled a moment in which said charming individual said to me, "The thing you don't understand about the universe is..."

And I spy this...

Like everyone else on teh mega-net, I've decided to post some resolutions that I will most likely fail to do, but still pat myself on the back for even thinking of making an attempt. This post as my witness. Hand to New Hampshire or something not at all like that. So without further ado, here is my list of Things I will try to do this year that I failed to do last year with an explanation:
1. Drink coffee
    - So far in my life I've avoided drinking coffee, and for some reason I've always felt that it's a little weird for me to be so anti-coffee like a little kid squirming in at the idea of lima beans. I figure if I start drinking coffee it at least gives me something to talk to my relatives about, as I've found coffee is a lot like wine, people will talk for hours about it if prompted.

2. Exercise consistently
    - It can't be that hard, if professional wrestlers can do it, I'd like to think my college education paid for something. And that something should be an ability to exercise on a consistent basis.

3. Be more selfish
    - Honestly, I just need to put the me back in mealworm.

4. Eat more shellfish
    - It seems like a good idea right???

5. Stop going to Silverlake just to eat Vietnamese food
    - Seriously there needs to be a good Vietnamese restaurant not in Silverlake, Gingergrass I love you but you're bringing me down.

6. Travel more
    - Since entering adult life I've been on like 2 vacations that weren't tied into seeing my family. I should travel more. I have friends that live in different time zones, I should see what those time zones look like in person.

7. Decide that the novelty of 1337 is WAY over
    - Remember when you pretended to not be smart in junior high, just because you thought you'd fit in. That's 1337 for you. Of course this is from someone who has an email address that reads, 3773is1337, which of course means I can go fuck myself for my high and mighty proper english grammar tone.

8. Read a newspaper everyday, or at least a news website
    - Is the world still around, I stopped paying attention a while ago.

9. Try to make lists with a total that is a prime number.
    - Already failed!! Yeah consistency!

True story at 10.

    So the other day I had a doctor's appointment (don't worry guys I don't have the "sickness") in which the plan was that I'd get pictures taken of my retinas. I was somewhat geeked as this particular doctor's office is right next to a deli, (ps I LUV any deli) so I actually was looking forward to this visit. I even scheduled it at 1 PM so I could get some lunch at said deli. Of course I could barely escape work that day, and made it the doctor's right at 1, so lunch would have to wait until after the visit. A little dismayed, as I had visions of corned beef dancing in my head, I made my way into the doctor's office to find the doctor and his assistant finishing up with their respective lunches. I waited patiently as they finished up with their lunch and then I went into one of the rooms with the assistant, and he ran me though a barrage of vision tests. The thing about the vision test is that they test one eye and then use the same chart to test the other eye, like I'm not going to rely on what I saw previously. But I do try and be helpful, throwing in the occasional "I can make out a vague guess as to what the letter is, do you still want me to guess?" Normally the response is "Yes." to my dismay, indeed.
    So after the barrage of tests, I see the doctor, where he embarks upon shining various bright lights in my eyes like a cop at a traffic stop who just got a new Maglite. He then comes to the conclusion that we should take some pictures of my eyes, which is a real "Oh you think so, do you doctor?" moment, as this was the only reason I went to see this particular doctor. See this doc shares this office with my normal eye doc, and she recommended that I see this guy for him to take pictures of my retinas to see if there's bleeding in the back of my retina. One of the many joys of my chronic illness, no doubt.
    I then moved into another room where they take pictures of the inside of my eyes and I'm back with the doctor's assistant, a relatively pleasant guy. In order to take these pictures I have to lean into this chin strap attached to a giant light with is then attached to a camera that appears was built during the Soviet space era. Oh yeah, either this camera has a nasty funk or the doctor's assistant has been avoiding a toothbrush for years. Hoping to avoid this spectacle continuing I suck it up and press forward for my photographs.
    We take about 10 photographs, and then I'm told these are the "before shots" and that I'll be injected with a dye to do a compare/contrast to the "before shots". I'm presented with a waiver, which I pretend to read, I sign it, then the doctor comes in to inject me with dye. The following is, word for word, the breakdown:
Doctor: "Ok, so I'll need to inject this into a vein, any arm that you prefer?"
Me: "My right arm"
Doctor: "Ok, hmm, let's try the left..."
Me: "What's wrong with my right arm?"
Doctor: "Nothing, I'm just looking for the right kind of vein."
He then proceeds to look at my wrist, and then my hand.
Doctor: "Hmm that's weird, I can see the veins in your hand..."
Me: "That's weird??!!! Like weird like something's wrong, or just odd??"
Doctor: "Don't see that often.., ok here we go."
Obviously my doctor skipped the whole social manners side of doctor school, but he injects me with this dye and then proceeds to leave the room. The assistant prompts to begin with the pictures again, so I place my head in the chin strap, but this time the funk from the camera or the assistant is super duper funktastic. The assistant notices something is up, and asks: "How are you feeling?"
Me: "Like I may be sick."
Assistant: "Oh, let me look for something you can throw up in."
He stumbles about, as I try and not be the patient that throws up on the floor and comes back with the trash can they threw their lunch in. I'm leaning into a trash can with a half eaten tuna fish sandwich and Sun Chips, and I have the overwhelming feeling of barf going on. I don't know about you, but, big surprise, I don't like throwing up, especially in front of other people.
Assistant: "This happens to everyone and then five minutes they feel fine."
Doctor walking by: "Yeah, it happens to everyone."
Now I really want to barf all over these guys as revenge, I mean how the fuck can you fail to mention that I most likely will be getting sick as part of being injected with dye? Hello, doctor?
    I end up throwing up bile all over their lunch remains, as I hadn't eaten yet that day, so it turns out to be a good thing I missed the deli on the way in. Then about 5 minutes later I returned to feeling relatively human, and we finished up my pictures.
    After leaving the doctor I went to the deli, and ate a pastrami sandwich, it was awesome. But the doctor's visit wasn't. True story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBaAq0BxXLg

For some reason, I watched this movie tonight, and this was probably the 10th time I've seen it, thank you cable! Of course I've seen Clue 50+ times. The clip above is one of the absolute highlights. You know back when they made movies that were really bad in a good/charming manner? A.K.A. the 80s. This movie had almost every contrived storyline you could think of, then you throw in Dracula, The Mummy, Frankenstein's monster, something that appears to be the Creature From The Black Lagoon, a Werewolf played by that guy, on top of Dracula needing a lantern to see in his cave, as well as using Dynamite. Why would Dracula blow up a fort with dynamite? It seems like the movie is catered towards kids. then it veers off into a weird parallel universe, one where Dracula tells a five year old to give him back his amulet, bitch. All this leads to one possible cause, cocaine. Right??!!?? There's no way someone stone cold sober made this, it's just not possible. I can't wait for the sequel in 100 years.

---Update---
I fixed the link.